The China I Know

Next to my office there’s a small walkway, underneath the air conditioning units.  Next to this walkway is a fence separating our area from the courtyard that I can see from my office window.  There’s a big pine tree on the other side of the fence.

One day I noticed an enormous dog turd, like Great Dane sized.  I thought this was odd because large dogs are banned inside the city limits, you can only have irritating yapping lapdogs.  (I saw an enormous husky in Hohai one night, and that was the biggest dog I’ve seen in the year that I’ve been here.) The size of this dog turd was kinda remarkable.

A couple of weeks later I noticed there were a few more dog turds there, and next to them were these white things.  Upon closer inspection they were wads of toilet paper.  Which do you think is more likely, some disgusting Chinese peasant was taking a shit behind the tree, or someone trained their Great Dane to wipe its ass?

This, my friends, is China as you can only experience it by living here. 

Sounds a lot like New York City. Except they wouldn’t have bothered with the toilet paper.

some 20 years ago I went into the toilets in my dormitory and saw a turd the size of a salami sticking up out of the toilet - seriously, it was as big as my arm and just sticking up like loaf of french bread.  I looked around for a body because I figured that passing that monster would leave most people dead or passed out, and I wondered why I hadn’t heard a scream earlier....

Of course, the only person that could have left such a log was the 400-pound tubbo in the corner room, two doors down from my room.  I could never look at him the same way again…

One of my friends wondered aloud why there’s a law that you have to pick up after your dog, but all the kids run around in split pants and just squat....