About Last Night

I had an interesting experience last night.  I went out with one of my friends and, as you might guess, we got pretty shitfaced.  It was about four in the morning and the place we were at was pretty much dead, so we decided to go another bar, a place called Cheers, to have a couple more drinks before slinking home in a stupor.

It’s been really cold lately, so everyone here is of course wearing winter coats.  In Cheers there isn’t a cloakroom so we just tossed our coats onto whatever pile of clothing happened to be nearest to us.  My friend started a conversation with an Irish girl who was sitting next to us.  After half an hour or so she left, then half an hour after that we decided to split.  He grabbed his coat and I went to get mine.  No dice, it was gone.  At first I thought someone had stolen it, but then I saw under a chair a dark woolen coat similar to mine, though clearly for a small female.  It seems that the girl had grabbed my coat by mistake.  I waited around for 15 minutes or so to see if she’d come back but she didn’t.  I looked in the pockets of her coat and saw her phone was in there, so I took her coat home with me, figuring she’d call.

I was in the taxi and had just gotten off the freeway when she called.  She asked me to meet her at a restaurant called The Den, which is open 24 hours and serves a lot of western breakfast-type stuff, so it’s always full of drunks at this time of the morning.  I told the cabbie to more or less turn around and take me back to where he had picked me up.  I went into The Den, ordered a drink, and waited.  Five minutes later she came in.  Since I’d ordered a drink she said she’d have one too, so we sat there and had a quick chat.

Now, here’s the weird thing.  Prior to the Olympics the government shut down all the hooker bars, and almost none of them have as yet reopened.  Consequently the hookers are starting to crop up in other establishments.  You can imagine that in a bar known to be packed full of drunken lao wei there would be a market for prostitutes, and sure enough there were maybe 20 of them in there, trying to score from one of the drunks.  As I sat there talking to the Irish girl there were hookers coming up behind her and waving at me.  Now, this girl could have been my girlfriend or wife or something, but the hookers were trying to peddle their wares to me right behind her back.  I mean, what did they think I was going to do?  “Honey, why don’t you go back to the house and climb into bed.  I’m going to go fuck this skanky Mongolian hooker for an hour or so.  Tomorrow I’ll make pancakes.”

Crazy.  Wonder how long it will take for things to get back to normal down there.

About 8 years ago or so my wife and I were in Las Vegas for her yearly conference.  While getting lunch one afternoon she struck up a conversation with this hooker sitting in the booth next to us with her pimp.  Primarily, it was how she managed to fit into that size 2 outfit she had on, because she was eating enough for four people.  Basically, the hooker was wearing a modified slingshot with the straps going over a pair of over-inflated tits larger than soccer balls.  The hooker made some inane small talk and giggled once or twice, then she and her pimp got up to leave.

As she left I felt her rub those ginormous tits across the back of my head.  My wife started snickering all to hell once the hooker was gone.  All she said was “I thought she was going to break your neck with those things”..

Hookers have no fucking class....

It is a well-known fact that every Westerner wants to have sex with absolutely everyone they see, especially really skanky haliotosis-ridden “chickens” wearing unfashionable clothes and (possibly) sporting various exotic diseases. The fact that you didn’t express interest in this particular girl proves that you are gay and/or have a mental problem. You shut up now. You go home. Why you come to China if you no want to make sweet love to skank (special when she make you special price ‘cos you soooo gentleman)?

But seriously, Lee, get into Chinese culture! Chinese men marry attractive Chinese women, then ignore them and go off to shag KTV girls. Free, safe sex with a good-looking woman or pay for sex with a skank? In China, it’s a no-brainer!

Well, it may be a no-brainer to you.  But with county having on of the fastest growing AIDS problems on the planet, and with their clear lack of health standards from food to milk to God knows what else, one must be cautious of exactly one sticks one’s cock, does one not?  Unless one desires one’s cock to drop off an fall in the toilet when one is taking one’s morning dump.

1. AIDS is a foreign problem.*
2. China has the highest standards of health and quality.*

(*Except where otherwise specified by the glorious mouthpiece of the motherland and bastion of truth - The China Daily!)

I can’t respond to the rest of your comment until I stop laughing. Encore!

Well, here’s one page listing countless sources of data showing the alarming rates of growth of HIV among the population.  They also mention other STDs.

Mongolian hookers might be fun to talk to in bars, but to actually stick thy cock on one of these untouchable wretches?  Methinks not, lest though wants to go home to thy motherland with one hell of s souvenir.

Maybe it’s part of the Chinese strategy: “We give you nasty disease, big white barbarian, now you all go home, spread crap around, we take over, ha, ha!”