I don’t know what the hell is going on lately, but the last four or five taxi drivers have been farting in the cab. I don’t mean they farted before I got in, they fart multiple times while I am in it. The odd thing is they are completely sneaky about it. They’re all SBDs, you never hear them do it, it just hits you like a blast wave. Now, if there is only you and the driver in the cab, and you smell a fart, are you going to have any problem figuring out where it came from? If the cabbies are going to fart in the cab, why not go up on one ass cheek and let ‘er rip? Why be surreptitious? Proudly float that air biscuit, and claim it as your own!
Of course, I quickly learned how to say fart: fang pi. Now I can say Wo bu yao nide fangpi, which means “I don’t want your farts.” It’s actually got kind of a cool cadence to it, I could see it being in a rap song. “Woe boo yow need a… fahng pee!”
Obama proposes funding the tax cuts by closing corporate loopholes, cracking down on international tax havens and increasing the dividend-and-capital-gains tax for the wealthy, he said.
He called his proposal a “fair” alternative to the present tax code and said it was necessary because hard times on Main Street translate to hard times on Wall Street.
“When the changes in our economy are leaving too many people behind, the competitiveness of our country risks falling behind,” he said. “When that dream of opportunity is denied to too many Americans, then ultimately that pain has a way of trickling up.”
Sounds great, right? Let’s close all the loopholes those greedy corporate bloodsucking fat cats are stealing so they can light cigars with $100 bills! The problem is, the more you raise the cost of doing business in the US, the more you are going to pay for products, and the more likely that the corporation in question will seek to do business outside the US, and they’ll take their jobs with them.
As an American who is living in China, opening a subsidiary for a US corporation, which came here in part to escape America’s astonishingly high corporate income tax rate, you might want to think about this. Note that this isn’t specifically about Obama, the Congress hasn’t done jack shit about this issue for years, then everyone pisses and moans that their jobs are going overseas. Well, if we don’t cut corporate tax rates that’s only going to get worse, and there will be people like me who are more than willing to move to countries like China and profit from it.
If the decision were up to me I’d abolish corporate income tax entirely. There is no such thing as a corporate income tax, really, since the corporations just pass those costs on to the consumer in the form of higher prices. To put it in simple terms, if you levy a $1 per unit charge on widgets, the price of widgets will go up by $1. All you’re doing is taxing yourself.
Next to my office there’s a small walkway, underneath the air conditioning units. Next to this walkway is a fence separating our area from the courtyard that I can see from my office window. There’s a big pine tree on the other side of the fence.
One day I noticed an enormous dog turd, like Great Dane sized. I thought this was odd because large dogs are banned inside the city limits, you can only have irritating yapping lapdogs. (I saw an enormous husky in Hohai one night, and that was the biggest dog I’ve seen in the year that I’ve been here.) The size of this dog turd was kinda remarkable.
A couple of weeks later I noticed there were a few more dog turds there, and next to them were these white things. Upon closer inspection they were wads of toilet paper. Which do you think is more likely, some disgusting Chinese peasant was taking a shit behind the tree, or someone trained their Great Dane to wipe its ass?
This, my friends, is China as you can only experience it by living here.
Nothing much new to report here. I’ve been pretty broke the last few weeks (don’t ask), so I haven’t been doing much. Last weekend, when I went out with the two guys I usually go out with, only one of us had any cash, so he financed the evening for the other two.
The evening did have a few surprised in store for us, though. At one club a guy walked in with his pants down around his thighs, underwear, too. He saw some friends in there and he went over to say hi. The girls in their group freaked out, took him over against a wall, and pulled his pants up. I, of course, was laughing my ass off.
At another bar I saw a girl dancing who looked exactly like Ugly Betty, without the braces.
Later in the night we saw a black girl in a bar with a Chinese friend. Black women are not really common in China. (Black men, in general, are either Marines from the US Embassy or drug dealers from Africa.) At any rate she was from Eritrea, a tiny little country near Sudan. One of my friends spent a lot of time talking to her and her friend, while I sat against the wall sucking down Jack & Coke, generally getting my drink on.
We ended up, as we so often do, at a Russian nightclub sometime around four in the morning, sitting and watching Russians dance. I swear to God, Russian men have no shame whatsoever. The culture that gave us ballet masters and the Bolshoi and classical Russian dancing, with the leg kicks and hands raised high, has degenerated to a bunch of drunks stumbling about on the dance floor, looking more like they are convulsing than dancing. Nobody gives a shit, though, they all encourage each other to do this. The women all urge them out, then join them on the dance floor. Russian women are all great dancers, and there’s something oddly appealing about Russian pop music.
There was one girl out dancing with her friends. She was a super-hot blonde, mid 20s, looked like a fashion model. Unless you happen to look like Brad Pitt she would be out of your league. Some drunk Russian guy kept trying to pick her up on the dance floor. For three consecutive songs he tried to get her to dance with him. She kept politely dismissing him, but he wasn’t taking no for an answer. He’d grab her hands to dance, twirl her around once or twice, then she’d walk away. He’d run after her and grab her again and the would continue. Over and over this happened. I thought it was hilarious. She kept looking out off the dance floor into the dark of the club with a plaintive look on her face, as if begging someone to come and save her from this beast. Not a chance. One, it was too damn amusing and I didn’t want to spoil it. Two, many of the Russians in China are maphiya (say it aloud) and the last thing you want to do is have a professional gangster pissed off at you. You might leave the club with your entrails hanging out.
From a sociological aspect it was fascinating to watch, like a male peacock splaying out his feathers, and the female peacock telling him to go fuck himself.
It seems that “The One” is so popular that people are promoting him in a country that doesn’t allow free elections. I took this with my phone on the way in to work this morning.
As my taxi driver sped past the car I expected to see a laowai driving, but it was a Chinese guy. This, now, presents a conundrum. Is Obama such a revolutionary force for good in the world that even the Chinese are supporting him? Or does it prove that his economic policies are so far to the left that he appeals to communists?
I will leave it to you, gentle reader, to decide for yourself. As for me, I’m voting for the Turd Sandwich.
A former Beijing official who oversaw citywide construction projects for this year’s Olympic Games has been given a suspended death sentence for corruption in a case that involved bribery and lavish living, state news outlets reported on Sunday.
Xinhua, the state news agency, reported that the sentence, suspended for two years, meant that if the defendant “shows good behavior, his sentence will be commuted to life imprisonment.”
In other words, he’s the patsy. I bet there wasn’t one person on the BJOC who wasn’t on the take to the degree this guys was. That’s how shit gets done here. But, they had a scandal and they needed to show to the world that they were “serious about solving corruption.” So they find one guy, blame everything on him, and threaten him with a death sentence. If he spends the next two years taking the blame for the corruption of everyone else involved he gets to go spend the rest of his life in prison?
A Chinese prison? Christ, a bullet in the back of the head sounds more appealing.
Some interesting tidbits from last night’s Chinese class. If someone asks you what you do for a living, or what kind of company you work for, a common way to reply is below. (I’ll use banking as the company type.)
wǒ men gōng sī shì yín háng gōng sī.
Literally translated this means “Our company is bank company.” Why “our” (wǒ men) instead of “my?” A politeness custom. You never refer to “my” company, it’s considered rude. You always refer to “our” company.
If you’re in a bar drinking the customary way to say “Cheers!” is gān bēi! Literally translated this means “dry glass,” as in “empty the glass of liquid.” My follow-up question to that was “How would I ask for a dry glass? Like if the waitress gave me a glass that was wet, would I just call out gān bēi to the waitress?” No, because when you use these words in speech you have to use particles following them to indicate possession. Here’s the correct way to say it.
gān de bēi zi
This literally translates out to “dry (possession or ownership) glass (is an object). The particle de comes after a word to indicate that the person or thing which precedes it is in possession of what follows it. In this case, you are indicating that dryness is in possession of a glass, which is an object. Then zi indicates it is an object. If you’re talking in the abstract about a glass you would just use bēi, but since we’re talking about a specific glass, the one that I want, you have to add the particle zi to indicate that you mean a specific glass. So the conversation would go something like this.
“Fú wù yuán!” (Waitress!)
“Unh!” (General noise meaning “I’ve heard you.")
“Wǒ yào gān de bēi zi. Zhè ge bēi zi shī.” (I want a dry glass, this glass is wet.)
“Hǎo le!” (Okay!)
Also, when I go to my friend’s house I always have to tell the cabbies to turn right immediately after the traffic light. I’ve tried in half-assed Chinese to tell them this, but by the time they figure out what I’m trying to say they’ve already driven past it. What I want to say is “After the stoplight, immediately take the next right.” This is the Chinese.
Guò le hóng lǜ dēng mǎ shàng yòu guai.
This literally means “Past red green light up horse right turn.” I thought “How the hell does up horse mean immediately.” Then I remembered that in Chinese the word for “up” also means “get on something.” If you were going to say “get on the bus” you would say “up bus.” So the English translation of this would probably be “mount up,” as in “Get on your horse, we’re getting the hell out of here.” Thus “up horse” means “immediately.”
You know the thing that sucks? I’m putting so much effort into learning and understanding this language, but I have no doubt that within six months of my return to the US I’ll immediately forget all of it.
I’ve mentioned before about how Chinese drug stores sell all kinds of stuff over the counter that would be considered a prescription item at home. You can buy Prozac and Zoloft and other antidepressants. You can buy anti-anxiety drugs similar to Valium or Xanax, I mean, these are drugs which, if you have no experience with taking them, can seriously screw with your brain chemistry. They also have tons of side effects as well as interactions with other drugs.
You can also buy both birth control pills and the morning after pill right there at the counter. But I was also surprised to see Viagara up there as well. I wondered why, in a country with population controls so serious that they will perform and abortion on an eight month old fetus, yet they will sell drugs over the counter to help you straighten out your Longfellow. If your goal is population control, why would you enable someone to “get they fuck on” if they otherwise could not?
A while back I saw a documentary called Jesus Camp.
Jesus Camp is a documentary about the “Kids On Fire School of Ministry,” a charismatic Christian summer camp located just outside Devils Lake, North Dakota and run by Becky Fischer and her ministry, Kids in Ministry International. The film focuses on three children who attended the camp in the summer of 2005—Levi, Rachael, and Tory (Victoria). The film cuts between footage of the camp and a children’s prayer conference held just prior to the camp at Christ Triumphant Church, a large charismatic church in Lee’s Summit, Missouri, a suburb of Kansas City.
I came away with a clear impression that what these kids were put through was a form of mental child abuse. It’s got nothing to do with religion, it’s indoctrination. Most of the people I’ve known in my life have grown up with religion to one degree or another, and the vast majority of them have turned out to be fine, normal adults. Religion isn’t the problem.
In his books, which I imagine a lot of people who visit this blog have read, evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins makes the point that it’s silly to speak in terms of a “Christian child” or a “Muslim child” because a child, by definition, isn’t able to make his or her own decisions. If an adult chooses to become religious, or to change religions, or to become an atheist, that is clearly of their doing. A child, however, is merely regurgitating what he has been told by his parents.
With that in mind, check out this creepy video.
Now, before all you Obama idolizers get your panties in a bunch, let me state that my criticism has NOTHING to do with Obama. I think Obama is a decent guy, and should be he elected will probably make a fine president. So this is in no way about Obama.
It’s about the fucking wacko douchebag parents who actually thought this was a good idea.
I defy anyone to ask one of those kids a single major legislative accomplishment that Obama has made during the two years he’s been in the Senate. (Well, the six months he’s been in the senate, the other year and a half he’s been running for president). Since I have yet to meet an adult Obama supporter who can answer that question I doubt any of the kids could, either.
I have no problem with kids being involved in the electoral process. I wish more parents would take the time to teach their children about politics and democracy and the different forms of government found around the world. But look at the faces of these moms. Look at how proud they are that their kids (and aren’t they just cute as a button!) are mindlessly regurgitating some song extolling the beatific, supernatural virtue of a person who, in all likelihood, the kid couldn’t recognize if he walked past him in the street.
As a child my father always talked politics with me. And not one time, in my entire life, ever, did he tell me what to think. He never told me who to vote for, he never told me what party was the best, he never did anything of the sort. I was completely left to my own devices, which probably explains now why I hate both major parties.
Perhaps living in a communist country, where I see this sort of indoctrination all the time, I’m being overly sensitive. But this is FUCKING CREEPY. To give you an example of how this cult of leader worship works, remember the Sichuan earthquake? The premiere of China Wen Jibao was dispatched to the area to, according to news reports, “direct rescue efforts.” Now you and I both know that this guy knows exactly jack shit about rescue efforts. The next day, however, I had a Chinese employee, a male about 24 years old, actually weeping, stating how much he loved Wen Jibao for all he was doing for China.
Listen to what those kids are singing. “Obama’s going to solve all the world’s problems. He’s going to align the planets, and end racism, and bring about global peace, and blah fucking blah.” No he isn’t, he’s a fucking politician, and he’s no different than any other fucking politician.
There is no substantive difference between the use of children in this Obama video and the use of children in the North Korean video. They’re both there for exactly the same reason, to show that the bright future of the nation, the next generation, believes in the hopes and dreams of the messianic candidate, who represents hope and goodness and joy and happiness for all citizens. The difference is that in the Obama video the kids are there voluntarily, whereas in North Korea at least they have the “bullet in the back of the head” excuse.
This, my friends, is child exploitation. Every one of these parents should be ashamed of themselves. (And if any of you can point to a similar case of McCain indoctrination I’ll post exactly the same thing.)
I have the whole week off work for “Golden Week,” which is more or less a week-long Chinese 4th of July, celebrating the founding of the PRC.
The country’s top leaders observed its 59th National Day by paying respects in Beijing yesterday to those who had sacrificed themselves to the founding of New China.
Led by President Hu Jintao, the leaders presented flowers before the Monument to the People’s Heroes at Tian’anmen Square, with 18 soldiers lifting the flower baskets to the base of the monument.
“The wreath-laying ceremony is a great way to honor the Chinese people’s indomitable spirit of struggle and self-sacrifice in the face of great challenges and difficulties,” said Gao Xinmin, a professor with the Party School of the Communist Party of China Central Committee.
Note mentioned was the inconvenient fact that all of the difficulties and struggles requiring self-sacrifice were caused entirely by the Communist Party.
“Without such spirit, Chinese people wouldn’t be able to make such remarkable progress and achievement,” Gao said.
Not to mention the “bullet in the back of the head” threat can also be a wonderful motivator.
This year marks the 30th anniversary of China’s reform and opening up…
Allow me to properly translate this into English. “This year marks the 30th anniversary of the day that China realized that communism and Marxism were total failures, and that in order to keep their police state they were going to have to institute economic reforms.” Think I’m kidding?
Chang Aoxue, from rural Shanxi province, also joined the crowd, watching the flag-raising with her 2-year-old daughter.
“I came here together with my daughter to show my gratitude to the Party for encouraging the implementation of a policy that encourages the prosperity of the people, and to offer good wishes to the motherland,” Chang said.
Party, people, nation, policy, and prosperity. Everything in one tidy little sentence. For the past year I’ve said that the Chinese see no distinction between race, culture, and politics. There you go.
Update: One final point: 2009 marks the 60th anniversary of the founding of the PRC. It also marks the 20th anniversary of that little protest thingy. I wonder which will get more media attention?
It seems the Chinese have got that milk problem solved.
Food safety officials here said on Thursday that none of the chemical melamine was found in 418 samples taken from newly-produced liquid milk of the nation’s major brands in the most recent inspection.
The General Administration of Quality Supervision, Inspection and Quarantine (AQSIQ) announcement, posted on its website, concerned the latest tests of 65 domestic brands nationwide, as milk quality testing continued throughout China in the wake of a deadly contamination scandal.
Note the use of the word “contamination,” which implies an accident. What they should say was “intentionally poisoned.”
No problems were discovered in samples from top-selling brands such as Yili, Sanlu, Mengniu, Sanyuan, Wandashan and Yinqiao, among others, according to the AQSIQ.
Clearly the program was highly successful. It was modeled on other past successful Chinese government programs, such as “Democracy-free Government” and “Hygiene-free Restaurants.” The success of the government’s “Shit-free Toilet Seats” program has thus far produced mixed results.
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